Every office has one...

So, this week at work I have realized that its not that I attract wierd people,its just that every office has them. I have decided to make this blog on the people in every office that people find memorable, or annoying, or both. lol.

First of all lets talk about the infamous 'close talker'. This is the person who starts a conversation at the coffee pot, break room, bathroom, or water cooler. This is the person who choses the wrong time to talk about her son's personal bathroom time, her ingrown hair on her inner thigh, or the last time she had her bikini zone waxed, things you never wanted to hear about in the first place, much less when you are not supposed to be out of your desk, but you are because you need coffee, to pee, water or whatever else you were sneaking away from your desk from. She not only tells you all of these nasty little details, but also stands with her face less than two feet from yours so you feel as though you are going to inhale all of her ingrown hairs, pubic hairs or her lunch that is still on her her breath and attatched to her teeth. This person also has a smile on her face, because she is more than happy to share her odd life with anyone willing....or stuck, trapped in the corner...listening. Now, lets take a second to talk about the smile...it is creepy. Its invadnig. Its one that you will remember for the rest of your life. It will haunt you in your sleep, and it will follow you throughout the day. You will peek around corners, check for feet under the bathroom stalls, and check both ways before crossing the walkway between cubicles. Anything to avoid getting caught within five feet of the smile.

The next one I would like to bring to attention is the "how much do you love me" guy. This is the guy that comes to you whenever he has news, good, bad or wierd news. Before sharing this news with you, whether or not its your business or something you would ever want to hear he prefaces it with "So....how much do you love me?" Usually this makes you feel like you are forced to sat something along the lines of "a lot" or "bunchies" even though you really want to say "not at all" or "over my dead body". This is also the same person that will discipline if you stop entertaining his smug jokes, or act like a child if you dont return the flirts. Usually the last person you would ever think aboutn flirting with or talking to. Also the person that finds his way into management by accident and then makes your life hell by either trying to be overly nice, or powertripping. Either one extremely annoying and could change your best days into days you just want to crawl into a pit and never come out again.

The next person is one that we all have the potential to be, but no one wants to be, or wants to be near. This is the person that talks louder than anyone on the floor. Usually this talk is inapropriate or personal. The volume is usually loud enough that you then have to explain to the consumers that you are not at home, they did get the right number, the person in the background is not your girlsfriend, and this is not a prank. This persons conversations can range from an ex's penis, to how much they hate there job, to singing the newest song from the radio while shaking there tale feathers, to, well just about anything you wouldnt want to hear being yelled out at work. There isnt much to say about this person. They are usually really nice to everyone, and geniunly fun to watch from afar.

So, in an effort to help you figure out which catagory the people from your office fit into, I should also probably tell you that if you don't recognize someone from your office as being one of these people, its probably you. Its possible for one person to take on more than one of these roles, or more than one person to share roles. At which point you will notice them avoid each other, bicker back and forth, and usually act like elementary students when within five feet of each other.

This blog is not meant to offend anyone, merely to inform you that if you find that you may meet some of these charateristics, maybe instead of talking about your toe jam next time you should seriously think about having your coworker help you assess the situation.

Just sharing the truth,
Jessica